Lovely Lily

Oh, the sweetness and oh the dear loveliness of being with my precious daughter...

We did a bit of Christmas today together. It was a delight...

Truly.

I have another blog where I put most of the post about my children these days. I keep it private because, of , well...people.

However, today's light was so bright I thought it wrong not to share and rejoice.

As a child, I longed for the very things she and I did today. I wanted exactly what she and I shared this very day, everyday I can remember in my parents household, and step parents households.

It just never happened.

Until today, and while it has been sweet and wonder-filled to exchange holiday-ness with my two boys over the years, something was different about today.

Its just that she is a GIRL.

That's all it took.

We went for a little jog together this morning. She put on her little 'workout' jacket and sneakers. We buzzed around a few neighborhoods. Then we came home freezing and squealed and warmed up and sighed with glee at the comforts of a warm home on a cold winter's day.

We went to do a bit of shopping for her. She chose presents for each member of our family. She was thoughtful, and considerate and deliberate in her choices and did the 'happy dance' that all 'true givers' do. We had so much fun talking every choice over and making this succinct memory together.

Lately, she has begun to 'blossom' in her interests in the world. She has decided to be a 'scientist'. She is fascinated with our natural world. She has asked me to teach her how to crochet, and we have a brilliant time sitting together and visiting and creating. She is constantly decorating everything to make it more beautiful somehow. ( and while this means there is a tiny nutcracker at my door right now, that does not match a thing,) it makes me smile and wonder at her gifts.

She already is a nurturer. The way she handles our pets is lovely and respectful and thought-filled and sweet. I simply adore listening to her 'tweet tweet' talk with her bird, and she can get Sam the dog to function in ways others can not, simply by gently encouraging him to do so.

Ah, how lovely and how sweet and how lively is my existence because of the tiny estrogen bearer in my nest. What a beautiful blessing. I am so privileged to be her mother and I am so grateful for these exact type of 'gift wrapping' together days to come true with the astounding clarity and bounty they come in.

Forgive me for just plain 'celebrating' my daughter.

MY DAUGHTER

I still love to see that in print and say it out loud. I'm the luckiest mom in the world.

I almost missed the FOREST again. :)

Its true, you know... That saying, "You can't see the forest for the trees".  I do that all the time.  ALL THE TIME.  I forget to notice the beautiful and fulfilling.  OFTEN

A few years ago, I was, well, ignorant.  Not stupid, folks, i.g.n.o.r.a.n.t., which means 'lacking information'.  I was definitely that.

We were told in shrouded 'whispers' from a teenager who lived next door that they had sold their house to. . . 'don't tell...if you can believe it.....

two gay guys..."

murmur murmur snigger snigger pst pst...

I'll admit.  I let my brain do the 'leaping' and went to dark deviant places. I did.  I instantly thought, "Oh my!"  I freaked out.  I regret that.

The day they moved in, I literally 'Nosey Nellied" my right eye to look through part of our front curtain and 'have a peek' at the new neighbors.  I did!  It was so 'cinema-esque', with the leering and judging, and 'lookey loo-ing'. 

Then, this utterly amazing thing happened.  I had the impulse to step outside and help them move the boxes, or bake 'welcome to the neighborhood' cookies, and or just saunter over and say 'How ya doin?'  I couldn't believe it.  I was still ME.  I still felt like I do when I see anyone who might need something.  I wanted to help.

Then, the stunner, ...  I also felt awash with UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  That's right.  L.o.v.e.  It did not come from me.  It came from Heaven.  It was a 'gift' that I received, as clear as day, it came to reside within my heart as a fact and a knowledge.  I was going to love them.

I missed the 'forest' again.  I was too busy looking at the 'trees'.  I have since become dear friends with two of  the most wonderful and beautiful and intelligent and interesting trees in the forest.  In fact, truth be told, in my neighborhood, these 2 guys are actually my favorite of all the forest.

Here is the 'take away'.  Our Heavenly Father loves every single one of his children.  EVERY ONE.  There is not a group, or gathering, or sect of the world he loves more than any other.

I still have questions.  Tons and tons.  If we are created to 'multiply and replenish the earth' and participate in family units, well, then....what is the deal with people who come to the planet wired differently than others?  I do not understand that now, but have faith that I will one day.

I am so grateful Gregory and Dustin moved in next door.  I am also grateful I shifted my viewpoint.  At first, I thought I was helping 'them' recognize that not every Mormon family had negative perceptions.  Now, I realize that they helped me.  I know they forgive my 'ignorance'. 

Every time I see them, I fill with genuine joy and stupid excitement.  We are 'kindred' spirits of a kind.  I truly love and admire and appreciate them.  Oh, what I would have missed out on if I hadn't taken that divine gift and dared to pass on the beautiful range of color and design and properties of their lovely branches, and roots and leaves. 

God loves all his creations, especially the symbolic trees, ........ very especially those ones who are seemingly different in design, but are actually, trail blazer trees for the rest of us. 

Next time I go for a walk in a forest I don't understand, or haven't been to before.  I will take G and D with me.  I sure don't want to miss out on some of the great ones.

Normal Knocker

When I tell you "I try", don't believe me. I really do not, but I do bemoan my indifference from time to time.

My indifference to difference.

I DO TRY! I DO............... (sometimes)

but I just c.a.n.n.o.t. be NORMAL

I don't mean that I'm ill or delusional or in want. I am not.

I get close sometimes, but never quite pull it off.

For example; you know you want one.... admit it.

Most of the time I am in groups of people I am 'writing them' in my head the whole time. You know, as characters.... like; "he entered the room, presumptively, eyeing the glass ornamentation pretending to be unimpressed, but gave himself away with the way he held his coat."

(IF YOU SEE A TWINKLE IN MY EYE AND A GLAZE THEREIN, YOU CAN BET YOUR BOOKS I'M MAKING YOU INTO A SENTENCE)

Don't hate my guts, but I hate the living daylights out of little teeny tiny 'check mark' type goal keeping. The proverbial 'you earned a star' crappola. The people who function in that 'earn a star realm' generally are only happy when they know they have MORE stars than someone else. The initial motive gets very blurry after a while.

( YOU FOLKS CAN KEEP YOUR STARS)

It may from time to time seem as if I have 'planned' what you see me doing. I'm a convincing actress when it comes to 'playing to my audience', but ......truth be told..... I NEVER PLAN. I have a planner with a few packets of pages that don't even fit the binding and lay loose with 'notes' from a thousand things, I very rarely EVER go back to, ever.

(IF I LOOK PREPARED, I'M PRETENDING)

I simply cannot abide a watch. I have never worn one. If it was not for the microwave clock, its possible our entire day would collapse. I never know the date, rarely know the day, and oddly enough am actually quite punctual and rarely am ever late or miss things of true import. I remember birthdays like nobody's business and can tell a change in season in the almost imperceptible twinkle of a minute of light either way.

(DON'T ASK ME FOR THE TIME, CAUSE' I CAIN'T HEP YA)

I find it miraculous that my home management skills are as developed as they are. I want to jump up and down in celebration every time we are not out of paper towels or clean towels or even have towels! I can't believe I function in those areas, that rarely pass my 'mind stage'. If there is proper food to make lunches or to bring cookies to the 'whatever', I feel like dancing!

(DON'T ASK ME HOW FULL THE LAUNDRY SOAP BOX IS)

I find it fascinating that people can talk about, for instance, shoe sizes, or directions, or recipes, or sales or postage or weather. I do. I like to watch. I find the simplicity peaceful and appealing. I don't have anything to offer, at all, because I don't give a rip, but I like to watch.

(IF YOU COMMENT ON THE WEATHER, DON'T BE MAD IF I SEEM ABSENT)

One of the tell tell signs that my 'normal' is broken is the "spell check" or the "word guess" on my phone and computer. Each of those items scream at me with sentences and highlights to try to get me to see that what I am choosing to write or how I am choosing to spell something or say something or phrase something, or make up something IS BROKEN! Fix this, it says....!!!! Now. I don't, I know what I am writing and like it that exact way. I know the rules, thus have the option of breaking them, in my opinion.

So what am I thinking about exactly?

The big picture. The huge picture. Eternal things. Art. Books. Other weird people who are trying to be normal and how funny it is. Creating. Teaching. Service. Love. Faraway places.

Crap like that.

The rest of it, well,.....not so much.

But, I do 'knock' from time to time and look in the door with a grin.