Payback is a DEBI, My Rebel Yell Against "The Man"

As a few of you may know, I was given a ticket in December for speeding going 26 MPH.  I was actually going 25 because the 'school zone' near my house is 25MPH.  I saw the school sign and crawled along in front of the school I was passing.  Note: It is actually very difficult to go under 25 MPH, you have to all but stall out and push with your feet like the Flinstones.  Apparently, by that school the speed limit is 20.  A $210.00 ticket later, I drove home with my month undone and sick to my stomach.

Turns out, I had a guardian angel that balmed up this particular wound. 

I should just let it go, but alas, have you met me?

On my way home today, I saw my little 'Christmas Killer'.  There he was again in his dark blue 'stealth box' of radar-ness.  He had actually parked on the other side this time. 

 (mean- old- DAY WRECKER- nit -picker - ticket giver)

I had a few minutes, so I pulled over where he could not see me, around the next curve.

I just parked my 'lil ol' sef' right there beyond his eye line.

Every time a car passed on its way to sure 'ticket-ville',

I flashed my lights

... and had a blast.

Saved some folks from gettin' worked by 'the man'.

WAAAaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaa

I had the same feelin' a few years  ago. 

The exit to our neighborhood can be bothersome if there are large sweeps of traffic.

As I merged one day, a huge granite hauling truck decided he didn't like way I did it.

Okay, so I swung right in front of him. Its my neighborhood, I pay HOA dues, not him.

These trucks are loud, the drivers are generally aggressive.
(FYI ~Tis' entirely possible I am exaggerating about the negative qualities of said truckers, ...)
but...come on, lets finish the story anyway..

He decided to 'teach me' a lesson and pounded the gas and rammed up close to my back bumper, revving and angry and like a giant play ground bully.

I'll admit, it scared me at first.  It did.  I had a rush of adrenaline.

~YET~

Because, well,.... I am not someone you mess with;

Instead of apologetically hitting the gas, I dialed the speedometer down to about 10 mph.

:) WICKED, i know...:) I'm going to H, if I don't hurry and repent :)

Then, I rolled down my window and drummed my fingers alongside the frame of the door in pretend relaxation and boredom.  prrrrt, prrrrt, prrrrt

I then, chanced a look with only my eyes (under sunglasses) in my rear view mirror
 to see the guys face.

It was as red hot as his big red truck.  Like a kettle about to boil and whistle, it was.

I will not pretend I am a lip reader, but I think there were some spittle coated expliatives flying around the front seat of that rig:)

As we approached the intersection, I shot out to a neighboring road and flipped a U, raced around a couple of back roads and scurried home.  He was trying to yell something at me, as we almost were 'side to side' in two lanes as he gunned it to catch up to me parallel.

I think what he was trying to say was,

$#%$%^^)((_)(*&%^$%$#%$%^&^&*(*%&^$#%$^%&^&

I don't know really.  I could not hear him, I was laughing too loud!


Some days, I just crack my own self right up!

BALANCE and the 'Secret'

I've decided I'm far too easily undone.

Balance

That is my true challenge.

I'm either sick or well, my home is either clean or dirty, my brain is either full or empty, my schedule is either maxed out or clear, my edit button is either on 'full alert' or entirely BROKEN.

This year I am going to toss

BALANCE

on the pile and make

everything therein

 SUBMIT.

It seems an impossible thing, balance, everything EQUALLY effort driven.

Why is that?

I don't seem to be able to balance all the columns of my life evenly.

I tend to be in either one column or the other,

but never tending all in their priority scape properly.

My roots, my underpinnings, my foundation, my belief system, my creation demands that I balance.

To allow the most beautiful and best to

 SURFACE,

I must indeed be completely grounded.

Starting a new business makes me want to elbow,  and shove, and paddle faster than everyone else for my spot on the best wave in a professional life.

How do I do that and remain 'present' for my most important calling as a wife and mother?

Can I pull it off, without smashing my surfboard

on the reefs of

materialism and comfort chasing?

What about this sort of artist inside of me?  What about my book?  I have set my sights on finishing this book THIS YEAR.  It must be done, n.o.w.  It is time and I hear this SIREN in my head and have a sense of urgency about completion. I can't ignore that. 

 CAN'T.

WILL NOT.

IGNORE.

 IT

ANYMORE.

So, it's settled right?  I am going to start a business, write a book, be a killer mom, an awesome wife, and continue to focus on my health by exercising and losing weight and running and working out and dancing and lifting weights and strength training and focusing on nutrition and getting enough sleep and drinking enough water and growing my own garden and eating healthy and and and and....

AND

I am going to do it all with Systemic Lupus.  I am going to keep my 'dukes up' and battle and fight and be fierce about not giving in.  I am going to race to my 'dreams' one teeny step ahead of a disease that could, if it wanted, take my life, anytime I let it win.

THAT ALL SOUNDS SCARY

But, I know the SECRET.

I do.

It is simply

HIM

Jesus Christ is real.  He does in fact, know ME.  He wants me to grow and succeed and learn.  I know that like I know all of the struggle and stress of the above goals are IMPOSSIBLE without His help.

I do not launch into my life alone each day to stand without His help.  I'm only the shell, or conduit, or vessel for a rich life blessed by His light and love and joy.  He loves me ANYWAY.  He is absolutely there, I know it.  I believe him and what he taught and I know when I align my life in direct parallel with his I am happier and more joyful and more successful. 

Its not ME.... its Him.

That is how 2012 will work.

I'll do my very best and He will make up the difference.

I am so filled with gratitude for the balance only He gives.